Le Basket of Le Fruit
by TeamCieloisPhancyhive
Summary: Don't we all just love when the characters of our favorite anime go haywire and create all kind of chaos? A series of oneshots! Please, don't take any of these too seriously. Rated T for the occasional sexual theme.
1. The Horrible Hangover Of Shigure Sohma

Shigure was lying in his oversized and very messy bed, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his skull due to last night's drinking, when he heard a loud banging on the door.

Shigure winced at the sound. "Who is it?" He mumbled.

The door opened and a flustered Tohru stood there. "Excuse me, Shigure-sama, but well, ya see, Kyo punched a hole through the wall again."

"So that means... I have to fix it... doesn't it?"

Tohru nodded her head, ashamed.

Shigure groaned, and heaved himself off of his bed, his head hurting more than ever as he went downstairs to work on fixing his precious wall.

* * *

"Ahhh." Shigure sighed as he laid back down on his comforter, shoving a much-needed Tylenol in his mouth while doing so.

He pulled a quilt over his body, and was just about to fall asleep when he heard his telephone ring obnoxiously.

He grabbed the phone desperately to stop the ringing and answered, "Who is it?"

The person on the other end, Hatori, spoke blandly. "Akito-sama wishes for your presence."

Shigure normally would've been happy at the opportunity of seeing his goddess, but he groaned tiredly. "Does that mean... I have to drive?"

"Yes. Come quickly."

Shigure trudged downstairs, out of the house, and into his car. He tried very hard (and was almost unsuccessful) to not fall asleep, and eventually, he arrived at the main house.

When he arrived in Akito's room, the horny goddess threw herself at him, knocking him onto the floor, which made his head hurt even worse.

* * *

When Shigure arrived back at his house, he felt as if his head might explode any moment, and he had the feeling he had a really bad case of sex hair.

Shigure laid down on his living room couch, trying with all his might to fall asleep, and then-

-DING DONG!

The doorbell rang, and Shigure could've sworn his ears were ringing.

He opened to door to reveal-

"Aya?"

"Gure-san! You won't _believe_ the news I have for you!"

The silver-haired man strode into the room, much to Shigure's disbelief. Shigure had been drinking with _Ayame_ last night. Shouldn't _he_ have a hangover too?

But, alas, Ayame seemed to be up and well, and in very high spirits. He yelled at the top of his lungs some atrocious things about Hatori then began to gossip about when Ritsu would 'come out'. He was being loud, flamboyant, and annoying, and for once, Shigure wished he'd just _shut up_.

Shigure's head had gotten worse and worse, and he couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "SHUT UP! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE CAN YOU CLOSE YOUR $&%#ING MOUTH?! ALL YOU EVER DO IS TALK AND YELL AND SCREAM! I CAN'T STAND YOU! NOW GET OUT! WHY DON'T YOY HAVE A HANGOVER ANYWAY?! HUH?! SHOULDN'T YOUR HEAD BE HURTING JUST AS MUCH?! I DEMAND THAT YOU EXPLAIN YOURSELF, YOU ASS!"

Aya stood there, looking shocked. "But Shigure... we didn't drink any _sake_ last night. We agreed just share some juice, remember? If your head hurts, you must've caught something."

Shigure flopped down to the floor and began to panic. _Oh no_. If he was sick, then this wasn't just a one-day thing...

"DAMN YOU, CRUEL WORLD!"


	2. Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Akito

It was a regular New Year's Festival for the Sohmas. There was fine food, _sake_ , dancing, and celebration for the Zodiac. It was the turning of the Year of the Dog, and so Shigure was to dance tonight.

He was particularly excited to dance, more or less because he would be dancing in front of Akito. The deity herself had yet to show, and that left most of the Sohma relaxed, happy, and enjoying themselves all around.

The New Year's Banquet was about to begin, and everyone was particularly excited. Shigure, as the New Year, would propose a toast to the Zodiac Sohma and then make a wish as he launched a Chinese Lantern into the sky. In many ways, it was like a birthday party for the new year. A very elaborate, expensive birthday party.

Anyways, with the Banquet about to begin, and Akito not yet arriving, Shigure was growing somewhat worried. He really, _really_ wanted her to see him dance, and what if she couldn't? What if something came up? What if she had gotten sick?

However, his fear and anxieties were calmed when everyone in the room became silent and he heard someone say, "The head of the Sohma Clan, Akito Sohma-sama."

He was beginning to relax, and watched Akito stride into the room. But-wait, _what_ was she wearing?

Oh no.

Not a goddamned.

Mother#%$&ing.

 _Bunny suit._

Yes, the dark, evil, and not totally sane Akito was wearing a _bunny suit._ The kind that _Playboy_ girls wear, with thigh-high stockings and red, red heels.

 _Why was she...?_

Suddenly, Akito turned to Shigure, and a seductive smirk quirked it was onto her lips. She draped herself on him like a wet towel, and ran her hands along his chest.

"Shigure," She said, dragging out the vowels in his name. "Can I ask, what was your _wish_ for tonight?"

Shigure felt his cheeks burn a hot, bloody red, and he swallowed hard. "Um, well, ya see-"

"I wonder," Akito whispered, nudging her head into his chest. "if I can grant that wish."

With that, she sashayed into the hallway, opening the door of a guest bedroom and leaving it open.

Not caring what anyone else thought, he chased after her.


	3. Adventurs in the Chatroom!

**_YukiTheMouse has just logged on._**

YukiTheMouse: _Hey Tohru_

Onigiri4Life: _What?_

YukiTheMouse: _How do you post a status update?_

Onigiri4Life: _Like this._ link

 _ **YukiTheMouse is now in a relationship with LeeksR4Freaks**_

Onigiri4Life: _O.o_

* * *

SecretlyNotAMan: _OmigodShigureIneedhelpthespacebarisn'tworkingonmycomputer!;(_

NOTAPervert;): _Okay, Akito, just calm down! If your computer isn't working right you can just go on a tablet. :)_

SecretlyNotAMan: _...Oh._

* * *

 ** _UsaChan'sBiggestFan has just logged on._**

UsaChan'sBiggestFan: _Oh. My Gawd. Have you guys_ _heard_ _what they're saying about Ayame?_

NOTAPervert;): _Why no I have not! Do tell_

LeeksR4Freaks: _Why do any of you care? He's almost as annoying as that damn Yuki_

YukiTheMouse: _I'll have you know, stupid Cat, that I am less annoying then your are stupid_

LeeksR4Freaks: _Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!_

Onigiri4Life: _Come on you two! You have to stop fighting!_

EatMoreChicken: _What is it, Momiji? What goin' on with Aya?_

UsaChan'sBiggestFan: _...He likes making dresses ;)_

LeeksR4Freaks: _You stupid piece of $%# &! You got my hopes up for nothing! I'll have your hide!_

* * *

 ** _NOTAPervert;) is in a relationship with SecretlyNotAMan._**

 ** _LeeksR4Freaks is in a relationship with Onigiri4Life._**

 ** _TiggerTheTiger is in a relationship with ICan'tSTANDYou._**

 ** _HisRoyalHighness is in a relationship with YukiTheMouse._**

Onigiri4Life: _Wait, so Yuki's... gay?_

YukiTheMouse: _Ayame! I'll kill you for this!_

* * *

HatoriSohma: _Guys, I'm so confused. What is with your usernames. I don't know who the hell I'm talking to._

SecretlyNotAMan: _Really? I thought it was obvious._

YukiTheMouse: _Yeah Hatori. I kinda thought you were the smart one._

HatoriSohma: _I AM._

ICan'tSTANDYou: _Oh yeah? Then prove it. Who am I, really?_

HatoriSohma: _Um... Kyo?_

LeeksR4Freaks: _You idiot! I'm Kyo!_

NOTAPervert;): _Who am I, Haa-san?_

HatoriSohma: _Uh... Kyo?_

LeeksR4Freaks: _Are you even really Hatori?!_

HatoriSohma: _Of course not. I'm some crazy psychotic fangirl who escaped her mental hospital amd hacked onto Hatori's file to get close to you, Kyo._

LeekR4Freaks: _O.o_

 ** _LeeksR4Freaks has just blocked HatoriSohma_**


	4. Gay Ritsu

Ritsu Sohma. He was one of those enigmas that no one can really comprehend. Yes he liked to crossdress, but for what reasons? Many Sohma believed that the idea of crossdressing 'calming his nerves' was a lie. Truth be told, Ritsu did more than dress like a girl. He was all around graceful in nature, he was always polite, and oh yes-he had never _fallen in love_ with a girl.

Truth be told, Ritsu was gay.

And he had the hots for a certain Ayame Sohma.

Ritsu did more than just admire Ayame. He loved the extravagant air that surrounded him, and his loud, proud flamboyancy. He wanted to get to know, and then love, Ayame, but alas, he knew such things could never happen.

Out of all the Zodiac, he was certainly the least social, whereas Ayame did all that he could to get a crowd to surround him. Ritsu never had the courage to go up and talk to Ayame, so he would always just watch and enjoy the view from afar.

Ritsu never knew what exactly he'd do if Ayame came up to talk to _him_.

So you can imagine his surprise when the devil himself practically jumped on him in the middle of the super market.

"My my, have I found myself in the presence of none other than Ritchan-san? I do say, this quite a rare encounter!" Ayame sang, not caring whatsoever for the weird looks and sideways glances he was earning from the other shoppers.

Ritsu's light cheeks burned several shades of scarlet. "Oh, uh, Ayame-niisan, what are you doing here?"

The silver-haired man flicked his huge braid to the side, and laughed wholeheartedly. "Why I was simply buying some crab for my dearest Yuki! What are _you_ doing here, Ritchan-san?"

Ritsu looked at the floor in embarrassment. "Well, I was, uh-"

"Say no more, Ritchan-san! It matters not to me _why_ you were here, but how lucky we are that we have met up! Now, I take it upon myself to buy _all_ of your grocieries! Yes, I'm quite generous, aren't I?"

Ritsu's cheeks grew a bloody, vibrant red. "Ayame-niisan, you can't do that! I'd never forgive myself!"

Ayame cupped the younger man's face is his hands and said, "Are you saying you'll refuse what I buy for you?"

Ritsu shivered. "N-No Ayame-niisan! I just can't let you waste your money"

Ayame shook his head. "Very well then. If you won't allow me to shop for you then I must be on my way. Now-"

He leaned in, giving Ritsu a long, passionate kiss-which certainly turned heads-and then leaved, yelling, "Ta ta!"

Ritsu simply stood there, blushing as if he were bleeding with this stupid smile on his face.


	5. Kisa Learns About Sex, in the Chatroom!

_**HisRoyalHighness has just logged on.**_

HisRoyalHighness: _Hello world, 'tis I! I am proud to say that Ritsu and I have finally moved past second base!_

YukiTheMouse: _Sicko! We did not all just need to know that!_

I'MSOEFFINGSORRY!: _OH NO, I APOLIGIZE! I APOLIGIZE FOR ALLOWING AYAME-NII TO GET SO FAR WITH ME AND THEN LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW! I SORRY!_

NOTAPervert;): _Ritchan, calm down. Nothing to get worked up about._

TiggerTheTiger: _Excuse me, but what's the big deal? There's nothing wrong with getting to second base, or even past it when you play baseball! That's actually a good thing!_

YukiTheMouse: _No, Kisa! Don't ask him!_

HisRoyalHighness: _Fear not, my little tiger, for I will tell you in private chat!_

TiggerTheTiger: _...okay :)_

* * *

 _ **TiggerTheTiger has just logged on.**_

TiggerTheTiger: _...O.o_

 _Ayame-Nii, that was so strange... doesn't it hurt?_

HisRoyalHighness: _Absolutely not! It is actually quite pleasurable!_

YukiTheMouse: _Ayame! You actually told her?! You can't just take away a 12 year old girl's innocence like that!_

SecretlyNotAMan: _Pff, you totally can. I lost my innocence when I was 12._

YukiTheMouse: _O.o... You don't mean... you... did you...?_

SecretlyNotAMan: _Yeah, yeah I did. Why do you act so surprised, Yuki?_

NOTAPervert;): _And it was with me, too!_

YukiTheMouse: _Shigure, you-you actually SEDUCED an innocent 12 year old girl?! You-you-you pedophile! You $% &#ing pervert! I can't believe I've been living in the same house as you for so long! Who knows what you've done to me in my sleep!_

NOTAPervert;): _How dare you make such terrible accusations! I'll have you know, it was AKITO was seduced ME! Not the other way around!_

YukiTheMouse: _...Huh?_

SecretlyNotAMan: _Shigure, don't tell them!_

NOTAPervert;):

 _It was a dark and stormy night, and a little Akito, no more than twelve years, was cowering in fear due to the crashing and smashing of repeating thunder._

 _When Shigure, a charming, witty young college man all of twenty years, full of smiles and laughs to be shared, walked in on this pitiful sight, he ran to his goddess, wrapping his arms around the crying girl._

 _"What's wrong?" The kind man asked Akito, who was wiping the tears from her eyes._

 _"Nothing..." She mumbled, then turned to Shigure. "Gure-nii? Am I your lover?"_

 _The splendorful man was caught off guard by the question. His lover? While he hated to admit it, he had grown to love his goddess in more than just a father-daughter sort of way..._

 _"Yes, I suppose you are."_

 _"Then we, we should, uh," The girl mumbled, and pulled off her kimono,_ _revealing her shaking naked body. "we should do this." She pulled off Shigure's pants as well, much to Shigure's shock._

 _"A-Akito," He mumbled, what are you-_

 _"It's okay." The little girl said with a smile. "I've seen Mama do it before."_

 _And with that, the smut began._

HisRoyalHighness: _My, my Shigure! Able to write such a wonderful piece of literature on such short notice, it's amazing! Much applause!_

YukiTheMouse: _...you... you're both... such... such..._

SecretlyNotAMan: _That's not my fault! I was, uh, I was..._

HisRoyalHighness: _You were sexy, naughty, and bitchy, Aki-chan!_

SecretlyNotAMan: _That's right. Sexy, naughty, bitchy me._

* * *

 _ **ICan'tSTANDYou has just logged on.**_

TiggerTheTiger: _Hiro, would you like to get past second base with me?_

ICan'tSTANDYou: _..._

 _ **ICan'tSTANDYou is no longer in a relationship with TiggerTheTiger.**_


End file.
